Friday, May 15, 2009

Long Weekend Wind Up...

Seven days until the Scrapbook Your Heart retreat.. I can't wait! This is such a one of a kind experience that I can't even call it a crop...that word just does not cover the scope of what this weekend is. It's been really cool to be on the planning committee this year, seeing things come together.

I don't know if it's turning 38 or some of the struggles that are in my life right now, but I have been in a really contemplative mood lately. I am not normally a person who looks back...I believe the future is where we have the power to change things so why struggle with the past when there is nothing we can do to change it. Saying that I look back and see things I really regret and wish I could do over. So in the spirit of my friends Kim and Haley here is a list...

THINGS I WISH I HAD A "DO OVER" FOR...

1) I wish I had more self respect in my Teens. There were so many choices, friendships and situations I hugely regret. If I had valued myself more, I would have demanded more from myself, aimed higher, and would not have settled for some of the crappy friends and boyfriends I had. I would have stood up for myself against bully teachers, crappy landlords and many others!

2) I wish I had learned how to be a better girlfriend at an earlier age. I struggled with female friendships early in my life. I didn't really know how to give, forgive and support another person. I have lost many great women in my life because I didn't have those skills.

3) I wish I had taken the time to build a true friendship with my sisters. So much of our childhood struggles, and our large age gap, set up an unhealthy relationship. Now, when we are adults, we are strangers who lack the necessary experiences to bond us as more then just people related to each other.

4) I wish I had a better body image growing up. Despite my size 7 waist in my teens I was convinced I was overweight from the time I was 16 on. I was very athletic, up until then, when an injury put me on crutches for a few months. Puberty hit and I jumped from a size 5 to a size 7 on my bottom and a size 10 on top. Yup that's 4 cup sizes for those of you wondering. I spent the next 4 yrs battling bulimia. Secretly binge eating and purging. Always right on the edge of being big but feeling like I was hugely obese. It has taken me along time to not define myself by the body I have. Today I am overweight, but it is an adjective, not a noun in my life.

5) I wish I had taken the time to be a kid. I started working at 12, often holding down two or more jobs, I left home at 16, and worked my way through High school, and College, supporting myself. I have an amazing work ethic, but I missed out on so much of just being a kid. I wish I taken more time to do things average kids did. We have out whole adult lives to work.

Funny, how when I look back, some of things I thought were such crazy huge things that I worried one day I would regret.
I don't regret having a child out of wedlock, I love having Brittany and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I don't regret not marrying her father. That was one of the best choices, for her and I, that I ever made.
I don't regret being a child from an abusive home. So much of that helps me to be the person I am. I know I had no power over that and I couldn't change it if I wanted to.
I don't regret selling my Interior Design Business, but I did think it was going to kill me at the time. As in most things in life, God has a bigger plan. I love what I do now. I love my life now!

OK, so that is enough deep stuff for today...

7 comments:

  1. I am so glad to have gotten to know you over the last year. I am glad to be able to call you my friend. Your are such an inspirational powerful woman. I can't wait to spend more time with you in the future.

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  2. I loved reading this post Christy - thanks for sharing a bit about YOU!

    I can't wait till next Friday also, looking forward to chatting.

    Have a great long weekend.

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  3. I too am grateful for the opportunity to get to know you... I just miss you now!!

    Heck... sign me up for the MNC crop, just so I can spend some time with you!!! I'll call, one of these days when I have a few minutes (and it's not either of our "family time")

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  4. Wow, at your young age that is phenomenal to be "figuring"out the big picture of life. I am much older than you and just now figuring out the when's and why's of my past and why they
    "needed"to happen.
    My Mom always told me, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". Of course "kill" wasn't the literal sense of the word, just the huge hurdles and struggles most of us have. You are an incredible, lovely,
    humurous, talented lady, and I feel
    blessed to know you!

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  5. Can I just say how proud I am of you and how blessed to have you in my life!! I KNOW that God has a plan for your life and NOTHING is wasted in His hands... even the painful stuff He can make beautiful. Sooo looking forward to this weekend with you and 110 other women!!!
    Allison

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  6. and this is why I need to read/blog more...
    what a fabulous entry!
    YOU are a
    great friend
    a wonderful mom
    a thoughtful and creative woman...
    someone I am lucky to know!
    hugs hugs hugs

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  7. SO as I read these comments... i am so touched and blessed and have a little tear of joy in my eye!
    Thankyou all for being such great inspiration for me!

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